Secrets Between Us Page 6

  He could already see that Tia’s arrival was bringing out something in his wife that he’d never seen before, complex emotions she’d kept buried for a very long time. Had it been a crazy idea to bring Tia here?

  A slight movement brought his attention back to Tia. Feeling a little guilty for ignoring her, he said, ‘You must miss St Germaine’s.’

  ‘Why?’ she said, her face guileless.

  He was taken aback. ‘Didn’t you have friends there?’

  Tia thought a moment. ‘I did. Her name was Mandy. She died.’

  ‘Who died?’ Ellie asked, returning with the promised apple tart and ice cream. Handing plates out, she sat and looked around, a polite expression of interest on her face.

  ‘Her friend, Mandy,’ Will explained. ‘I was asking her if she missed the school and her friends.’

  Ellie looked at her sister. ‘I’m so sorry,’ she said, ‘when did she die?’

  Tia looked at her blankly.

  Will nudged his wife under the table with his foot; it was obvious that Tia couldn’t remember and also obvious, because he knew her so well, that Ellie wasn’t going to let it lie. He ignored her cross look and sought desperately for something else to say. ‘So, you baked bread,’ he tried, ‘what else did you do all day?’

  Tia mirrored his smile. ‘I had breakfast and then I baked bread. Then I had lunch. After that I went to my room and read magazines or watched television. At five, I went for my supper and, afterwards, watched television and went to bed.’

  The dull routine of the institution. Will’s tart suddenly tasted dry and bland. ‘What did you do on your days off?’ he asked.

  Tia looked blankly at him and it dawned on him that it was her default expression when she didn’t know the answer or didn’t understand the question. Or both.

  ‘The days you didn’t bake bread, I mean,’ Will explained.

  Tia laughed. ‘I always baked bread. How would they have bread, if I didn’t bake it?’ Like a light switched off, her smile vanished. ‘Where will they get their bread now?’ she whispered as tears silently and unexpectedly appeared and slowly made their way down her cheeks.

  Ellie and Will looked at each other, panicked and helpless. But even as Will wondered what to say, he saw a change appear in Ellie’s eyes as she saw the tears.

  ‘They’ll have to buy it like everyone else does,’ she said gently.

  ‘They will,’ he quickly agreed, reaching out to grasp Tia’s hand and adding, ‘I bet it won’t taste nearly as good as yours though, and they’ll be sorry that you’re gone.’

  This idea seemed to appeal. Tia looked up and gave him a beaming smile.

  Ellie’s face, he noticed, looked tense and strained again. Deciding it might be a good idea to give her some space, he stood. ‘Why don’t we go for a walk,’ he said to Tia. ‘I know it’s late, but we can do a quick tour of the neighbourhood. Plus,’ he smiled at her conspiratorially, ‘we get out of doing the cleaning up.’

  He’d no idea if she made any sense of what he’d said, but when he reached out a hand toward her, she took it automatically. He remembered what Ellie had said. She’d be vulnerable to anyone who wanted to take advantage. Now he saw how true that was.

  Ellie looked up at him with a look of gratitude. ‘She’ll need to change.’

  Will grimaced, suddenly taking in what Tia was wearing for the first time. He was sure that was the outfit Ellie had worn at that wedding in Mexico. Why on earth was Tia wearing it? He’d ask Ellie later, maybe she’d understand then why he’d made that terrible mix-up.

  ‘Ellie’s right, you can’t go walking in that. Can you change into something warmer?’

  A mulish look crossed her face.

  ‘It would be a shame to spoil such a pretty skirt by getting it muddy,’ he said, coaxingly, hoping there wouldn’t be more tears.

  ‘Okay,’ she said and headed out of the room. Moments later he heard her footsteps on the stairs.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ he said, moving to stand beside Ellie, putting a gentle hand on her shoulder. She didn’t immediately brush it away which he took as a good sign, bending to place a kiss on her cheek.

  ‘It will work,’ he said, desperately hoping he was right.

  ‘Go for your walk,’ she said without looking at him. ‘Don’t rush.’

  He stood looking down at her for a moment, wanting to offer reassurance but then the door opened and Tia was there, in a coat and boots, smiling.

  Ellie must have given Tia some of her clothes; he definitely recognised the coat she was wearing, he’d been with her when she’d bought it.

  He looked from one sister to the other. He couldn’t remember now whose idea it was to invite her to come live with them. It didn’t matter, it had been a bad one.

  He’d lied to Ellie, he didn’t think it was going to work at all.

  12

  Ellie closed her eyes briefly when she heard the front door opening and closing. She hoped they’d be gone a long time, that he’d show her the entire neighbourhood and the surrounding ones. Dammit, she thought with the first sting of tears, she hoped he’d show her the whole of the blasted city of London. She needed time. Time to put Will’s mistake into perspective. After all, Tia was wearing her clothes, and they were identical. But it scared her how identical they were, much more than she remembered. How could that be when their lives had been so different?

  She pushed away her empty plate, rested her elbows on the table and dropped her head into her hands. It was already proving worse than she’d expected. It was never going to work. Rubbing her eyes, she decided that on Monday she would start looking again for residential accommodation for Tia. There had to be something somewhere, she didn’t care how far away it was. In fact, she admitted quietly to herself, the farther away the better.

  Taking her glass, she moved to the sitting room and sank into the sofa with a sigh. She’d like nothing better than to sit here, peacefully drinking and pretending the last few weeks had never happened. She gave a soft laugh. At least worrying about Tia had put any talk of their childless future to one side. She knew Will wanted to explore their options, wanted to talk about what the consultant had said. He wanted to talk. Most women complained that their husbands never wanted to talk; just now, she’d swap in a heartbeat.

  She’d finished another glass of wine before she heard the front door opening and the sound of voices in the hallway. They sounded cheerful. She wondered, vaguely, what they’d found to talk about.

  She was stretched out on the sofa when they came through the door and she saw Will’s eyebrows rising. Raising her glass to him, she grinned. She was a happy drunk, becoming mellow after a few, and generally more amusing after a few more. He knew it, and with a shake of his head he returned her grin.

  Taking Tia’s coat, he ushered her into the room. When it looked like she was heading to the seat beside Ellie, Will gently pointed her towards an armchair that sat on the other side of the television. ‘This can be your seat,’ he said, patting the arm of the chair. ‘You’ll be able to see the television better from here.’ To demonstrate, he switched it on, flicking channels until he hit on a cookery programme.

  Having settled her into the chair, he turned and cocked an eyebrow at Ellie who gave an elegant shrug in return but said nothing. With a shake of his head, he left the room, returning minutes later with a bottle of beer. He drank it straight from the bottle, a habit Ellie hated and something he rarely did. It was a subtle protest, Ellie knew; his gentle way of indicating that he didn’t approve of her getting drunk on the first night her sister was there. God, she did love him. And it wasn’t his fault after all, was it? She’d overreacted. It was an easy mistake to have made, since Tia was wearing her clothes. An easy mistake because they were so damn alike. She kept the smile on her face with difficulty and tapped the sofa beside her.

  The smile was lopsided, but it was enough. Will sat beside her and reached a free hand over to take hers, pulling her closer to him. Ellie relaxed against him,
feeling the warmth of his body, basking in it. Resting her head against his shoulder, she closed her eyes.

  She was just beginning to relax when she was overcome with the strangest feeling she was being watched. She opened her eyes and looked over to where Tia sat staring at her, a cold, hard expression on her face. Ellie’s quick intake of breath caused Will to look down at her with concern. ‘You okay?’

  She gave him a reassuring smile before looking back to where her sister sat, her eyes glued to the television screen like she had been watching it all along.

  Maybe she’d imagined it? She closed her eyes for a few seconds. It had been a nightmare of a week. Opening her eyes again, she watched her sister for a few minutes.

  She’d imagined it.

  Of course, she had.

  13

  The next morning, Ellie woke and lay with her eyes shut for a few minutes thinking of the previous day. She shivered when she thought of Will’s mistake. That couldn’t happen again. Throwing back the duvet, she headed to the bathroom. Will, as usual, had already left to pick up the Sunday newspapers. He’d be back soon and would cook a big breakfast. Sunday morning bliss, he always called it. The thought brought a smile to her face.

  A short while later, dressed, she looked at her reflection in the bathroom mirror, seeing her clear sallow skin, long dark curling eyelashes and dark wavy hair without any pleasure. Usually, she left her hair loose at the weekend, but today she caught it and twisted it into a tight, neat bun, using several clips to keep every strand in place. She was reaching for the heavy, dark eyeshadow she usually wore on nights out when she stopped herself with a firm shake of her head. She was being silly.

  The bun stayed though, and when she joined Will in the kitchen, she saw his eyes linger on it for a moment too long and knew from the regretful look on his face that he understood. He’d not make the same mistake again.

  After breakfast, she looked across the table at her sister. ‘Let’s go shopping,’ she said. ‘We’ll get you some new clothes. Would you like that?’

  Tia, a slice of toast in one hand and a mug of tea in the other, took a few seconds to answer. ‘Yes,’ she said finally and then looked across the table to where Will was reading the Sunday paper. ‘Are you coming?’

  He laughed, shooting Ellie an amused look. ‘I’ll leave that to you two.’

  Ellie took Tia to the John Lewis shop on Oxford Street, taking a taxi rather than the underground for convenience.

  Tia wanted to stop and look at everything but Ellie guided her through the beauty department and up the stairs to women’s fashion, Tia smiling when her hand reached out to touch the garments, her eyes widening in amazement at the fabrics and choices available. Ellie steered her towards bright colours and prints that she herself would never wear. She was relieved to see Tia appeared to prefer them, happily choosing a number of shirts and jumpers in bright colours and pretty patterns.

  Two hours later, they left, each of them carrying several bags. Ellie knew she was overcompensating for years of not buying her presents, but she also knew that, with plenty of new clothes of her own, Tia had no need of hers.

  Back at home, she made room in Tia’s wardrobe for the new clothes, removing the ones she had given her without explanation.

  ‘Why don’t you change into something new now,’ she suggested, and Tia immediately agreed, stripping off the jeans and white shirt she’d given her the day before. Ellie, expecting her to stop at that, was taken aback when she stripped off her bra and knickers without hesitation, standing naked as she chose which of her new clothes to wear.

  Ellie was not one of those people who felt comfortable in front of other naked women. At her health club, she’d have a towel tightly tied around her while other women showered and dried their hair without bothering to cover up. She always wore a swimming costume in the women-only sauna too. It was just the way she was; she didn’t feel the need to apologise for it.

  It was instinctive then to look away from the nakedness of her sister, from a body so like her own. But she also found herself glancing back as Tia bent forward to open the lower drawer of the dresser, taking a sharp breath as her breasts swung softly. To see ourselves as others see us, the line of the Robbie Burns’ poem popped into her head. She turned away, scooped up the discarded clothes and left Tia alone.

  Downstairs, she dumped the clothes in the washing machine. She’d wash them and donate them to charity. She held up the white voile blouse and the silk skirt that had caused such trouble. The skirt had been very expensive, but she knew she could never wear it again. The label inside stated dry clean only. She hesitated a few seconds, a frown creasing her brow before, swearing under her breath, she scrunched it up and threw it into the rubbish bin.

  When Tia came down, dressed in bright pink jeans and a cream jumper patterned with tiny pink flowers, Ellie nodded. ‘You look very nice,’ she said, biting her lip. She was suddenly aware that she’d made another mistake. Yes, they looked different now, but this wasn’t the kind of difference she wanted. She had wanted Tia to have better clothes and her own identity. What she hadn’t expected was that she’d look like a full-colour version of her. She didn’t look nice, she looked stunning.

  Gritting her teeth, she watched as Tia went into the living room where Will was lounging on the sofa with a beer, watching the rugby. She held her breath, waiting for his reaction, and with a twinge of pain noticed his double-take when he saw Tia.

  Tia stood between him and the television. ‘What do you think?’ she asked him.

  ‘You look very nice,’ he said, echoing Ellie’s words.

  Ellie, hearing the constraint in his voice, knew he’d chosen his words carefully. She also knew, without a doubt, he was thinking exactly what she had. She waited for her to leave but Tia stood as if waiting for further compliments. ‘Why don’t you come and help me with dinner?’ she asked her, slightly surprised when she was ignored. ‘Tia,’ she said again, raising her voice to be heard over the commentary.

  Tia slowly turned to look at her then, unsmiling. With obvious reluctance, she moved back to the kitchen. ‘What shall I do?’

  ‘Perhaps you could set the table,’ Ellie said, pasting on a smile that wasn’t returned. She pulled open a drawer. ‘The cutlery is here,’ she said, and then opened a cupboard, ‘and the glasses are here.’ She turned away to check the pasta and left her to it.

  The following day, Will and Ellie returned to work, leaving Tia alone.

  ‘You sure you’ll be all right?’ Ellie had asked her several times. She had showed her how to use the phone. ‘That button,’ she said pointing it out, ‘will get you through to me automatically. If you have any problems or are worried about anything, anything at all, just ring me.’

  Ellie worried all day, checking her phone several times, and rushed from the office on the dot of five. But she needn’t have worried, when she returned home Tia was curled up on the sofa watching television.

  The days settled quickly into a routine. Will suggested that Tia might be able to go to the local shops unaccompanied once she had done the journey a few times. There were, after all, no roads to cross on the way; she simply had to follow the path until she got there.

  Ellie had reservations about allowing her walk alone. ‘Don’t forget, she’s been more or less institutionalised her whole life. It might frighten her to go on her own.’

  ‘It’s five minutes, tops, Ellie,’ he argued, raising an eyebrow. ‘Aren’t you being too protective? She’s not a child—’

  ‘She might as well be,’ she interrupted, a worried look on her face. She stood and walked across the kitchen to the French doors, crossed her arms and stood staring out over the small, neat garden.

  Will waited for a moment before trying again. ‘She held down a job.’ His hands shot up defensively when she turned. ‘Yes, I know, a simple job baking bread. But it was a job, nonetheless, one where she had responsibilities, even if they were very limited ones. If we don’t allow her some freedom, our hom
e will become more of an institution than St Germaine’s ever was. We should be encouraging her to lead as normal a life as possible. Maybe, someday, she’ll be able to move into her own place.’

  Ellie said nothing. He didn’t understand, and she couldn’t explain to him how responsible she felt for Tia. It was her childhood all over again. The enormity of the mistake she’d made in bringing her to their home hammered inside her head. She brought her hands up and wiped her face, rubbing the corners of her eyes where tears always appeared to be waiting.

  The answer was simple. Tia had to go. She should turn around and say as much, but she couldn’t because, so far, she hadn’t been able to find anywhere that could offer her a place.

  It worried her that after only a few days Will had become more reconciled to her being there. In the first day or two, she thought he’d felt as she did, that they’d made a mistake. Now, he seemed to have accepted her presence. She’d even go so far as to say they were getting on.

  Tia certainly seemed to like him, always beaming when he came into a room. Ellie blinked, trying to remember if Tia smiled at her in the same way.

  Despite her reservations, every evening before dinner, Will did the five minutes’ walk with Tia to the shops and back while she got dinner ready. She said nothing but was conscious of waiting anxiously until they returned.

  ‘I think you’ll be able to go alone tomorrow,’ Will suggested to Tia that night over dinner, watching Ellie’s reaction from the corner of his eye as they ate.

  ‘If you think she’ll be safe.’ It was all she could muster. There was, after all, no point in arguing. And perhaps if Tia was more independent, there would be more care options open to her.